End of October already???

I can't believe how time flies. Really.

The trees are beautiful with vibrant colors up and down the block. The leaves are falling. There is a crispness in the air. Allie wears cute little hats and jackets. The summer is truly gone. In some ways, it feels like summer was FOREVER ago, but in other ways I remember it like yesterday.

I felt a sense of peace today that I haven't felt in a very long time. I had forgotten what that felt like. Now I can't believe I went without that feeling for so long.

So let's see...I'm back to work, finally. I have dreaded this for 9 months, but I have done it. This is my second week at work. I got a nanny who comes to the house (oh yeah, did I mention I moved into a house?). Allie loves her. The nanny is warm and caring and loving. I feel so lucky...and never imagined I'd find someone so great. I am coming to learn that Allie is well taken care of, even when I'm not there. And that is a weight lifted off of me. And that is part of the peace, I'm sure.

I have grown more used to being away from Allie, particularly in the past weeks while at work. I do miss her tremendously while I'm away, and this separation has been tough. Also, I feel guilty when not with her. However, there is something to be said for having a moment to focus on aspects of myself aside from being a mother. That's another thing that has brought me the sense of peace I think. Reconnecting myself with pieces of me that have been long ignored. It was like a big exhale that I haven't had in forever.

Enough about me. Allie is wonderful. Crawling everywhere, waving, saying "hi" to everyone she sees, pulling herself up to standing, giving me kisses, going wild when she sees dogs. She is such a happy kid and I am in awe of her every day.

I'm still nursing three times a day, but am cutting down to twice (morning and bedtime) given the work thing. She takes formula like a champ now (that did take a while). She also loves to eat solid foods, but is quite picky. Favorites include: raisin bread, blueberries, yogurt, cheese, cheerios, yogurt melts, bananas, and sweet potatoes. She pretty much blows off everything else, but I keep trying. She sleeps about 10 hours a night, sometimes without waking up but sometimes waking up once (for a brief "hi, mama's here" and she's back to sleep). She takes a morning and afternoon nap, each 1 1/2 to 2 hours. It's a pretty great schedule in my world, aside from the middle-of-the-night parties.

I haven't told the people at the new job that I'm a single mom yet. Well, they know the mom part, but not the single part. Not sure how to discuss it with anyone here really...being out of nyc now is so different. I worry that I stick out like a sore thumb here whereas I used to be able to just fade into the woodwork as "not so weird" there. I guess I'll figure it out.