I want advice about breast feeding and about other stuff too, but I can't seem to get it together to make a list of questions that I have.
Overall, things seem to really be going well. My baby is thriving and growing and learning every day. I have gotten a couple of full-faced smiles from her -- usually after she nurses and while we are talking to each other. In moments like those, it feels like I have won the lottery.
And I am doing pretty well too despite the challenges of cumulative sleep deprivation. But in the wee small hours of the morning when I'm trying to get to a little bit of sleep between feedings, I keep playing the delivery over and over in my head. I feel inadequate. I never felt like I pushed correctly. I hate not doing things well and I feel like a disappointment. That probably sounds stupid. I know I got the baby out and I'm thrilled that I was able to. I'm just really hard on myself, particularly when I'm emotional and tired and ... oh well ... I'm always hard on myself! I know, SHUT UP JESS!!
5 comments:
yes, silly, shuddup! ;) You got her out and experienced the miracle -seriously- the miracle of child birth. And she's beautiful and amazing all because of you.
There is no wrong way to give birth. I know it must be hard functioning on not a lot of sleep and when you are that tired it's easy to do the coulda, shoulda, woulda game. Hang in there and hugs to you.
You took home a beautiful baby. You did it absolutely right. Cut it out and try to get more sleep.
Love those cheeks of hers!
I love the pics, she's a doll.
Birth trauma is real and hard to heal from. It took me a year but I had to allow myself to grieve and I resisted a long time. Be gentle with yourself. Learn to treat yourself as you would your daughter were she in your position. You are doing a FANTASTIC job mama.
Post a Comment