I have weighed my options and have talked to several people (a couple of my doctor friends, the pediatrician I've been seeing, etc.) and have made some decisions.
We started antibiotics this morning. She actually LIKED it. I guess she has a sweet tooth like me because that stuff smells pretty sweet. She sucked it right down.
I scheduled the VCUG for next Tuesday at 2:30. We will get through it. I spoke to the radiology people a lot about it. It is a short procedure, and she shouldn't be in much/any pain. I will be there the whole time (if I can stomach it). Once we get the results of this test, I will decide what to do from there. Hopefully, there won't be much to do. Hopefully, the test will say the reflux is mild and just needs to be monitored by ultrasound until it resolves itself.
I have struggled with my parents about these decisions. I feel they have judgment about my decisions or that they are afraid to tell me that they disagree (I've been pretty cranky and short with them in the past day or so...actually I'm sure I'm quite hard to live with). I discussed this with them. They are now saying that they want to support me in whatever decisions I make. I feel pretty good about that. But of course I feel even more guilty about being a bitch lately.
I'm just not sure how to stop being bitchy. I'm feeling so vulnerable and confused, and I'm really tired and pushed to the limit at the same time. I take it out on my parents and I know that's wrong. God, please give me the strength to deal.
Meanwhile, Allie is calm and resilient throughout all this. She is a wonder. I took her for her first walk in a stroller today. It's been too cold to take her out but I was just dying to get out so we went walking. She handled it well and seemed to enjoy it (fast asleep the whole time). She is growing every day and looks like a big girl now...with big chunky legs and cheeks!
Okay, time to go find something to eat.
14 comments:
You sound wonderful and like you are finding your mama feet. It is hard and very emotional up and down and bitchiness is definitely par for the course but you are doing an AWESOME job mama!!!
ALWAYS ALWAYS stick with your mama instincts, I promise you will always be glad you did, I still am!!!
I'm with Bleu. You are doing fantastic. The bitchiness comes with the territory. You are still way hormonal. It will even out eventually. In the meantime if you feel you need to apologize or acknowledge that you are still feeling hormonal and try to take it one step at a time.
Hang in there, Jess. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.
I'm sure your parents understand - and I bet they're proud of you. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a mom.
Glad the antibiotics are going well. Good luck with the VCUG!
I agree. You're doing a great job. Of course you're a little cranky and snappish. YOU HAVE A NEWBORN!
More pictures, please? How about one of the chunky little legs?
Having a newborn is the hardest job in the world. On top of that you are recovering form a big 'ol tear from birth and your daughter's medical issue. My husband will say I was incredibly bitchy for weeks. It happens. Just ride it out. Eventually things DO settle down- I swear!
Just say to yourself "one day at a time," and then live it. Really; even the procedure sounded more do-able after you considered it for a day. You'll get through this period...one day at a time. You're doing really great!
(and she's sooooo cute!!!)))!!:)
Be nice to yourself, even when you're being bitchy. That's an order!
Like everybody says, you're hormonal, you're healing and you're stressed. I'm sure your parents understand that too.
Sounds like you're making very wise and careful decisions. Thinking of you!!
I hope you feel better now that you've made some decisions. I'll be thinking of you both on Tuesday.
Your parents survived your teen years so I'm sure this round of cranky is a piece of cake :)
Seriously, don't be so hard on yourself. You're dealing with so much new mommy stuff that it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed, tired and bitchy. Your parent's forgiveness can be bought with extra Allie cuddles.
I hope you get to catch up on some sleep this weekend.
My daughter had urinary reflux. She was on antibiotics for 4 years to head off infections then it corrected itself. It is good that if she has it, you are catching it early.
I think you're doing a great job as a mother - weighing your options and all. I don't think becoming a mother is an easy thing, more so when done as a single mother and even more so when baby has a medical issue.
I think you have made the right decision. It matters less what other people think about it, you're her mommy and I am sure your feelings about the best way to proceed in any situation are more reliable than anyone else's.
As far as the bitchiness is concerned, don't worry about it. I am sure those around you understand you're going through an intense time and don't take it personally. At this point just do what it takes to make it to tomorrow. Soon enough things will settle down.
Best wishes!
Thinking of you today and hoping all is well.
I hope everything went well
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