I've been laying low...in a holding pattern...trying to become one with the challenges of the last few weeks...accepting that these physical issues (pressure, sleeplessness, painful walking, etc.) are "normal." And I'm doing okay! In fact, a lot of my nervousness and worry has magically transformed into excitement! Sure it's disconcerting when people at work see my belly and GASP, but it's all normal, right??? And it is for an excellent cause!!
I went to the OB tonight and she said my belly was measuring perfectly and I don't have to fear having a 15 lb baby (the other night I had that very dream). On top of that, I'm 1 cm dilated! A week ago I was not. She said this doesn't necessarily mean anything, except that it looks like things are starting to happen! Yes, it may still take weeks, but 1 cm feels like progress to me. So I'm going with that! She also said she could feel the baby's head and that it was "nice and low." Aww, she felt my baby's head!
Another change in the last week is that I am RAVENOUS pretty much most of the time. I have been pretty much food averse this entire pregnancy, and now I can't seem to get enough food at all times. I had to eat TWICE in the middle of the night last night. I gained 2 pounds since my last OB visit 6 days ago. I guess I'm allowed, but eating so much makes me feel even more huge and makes my belly feel even tighter.
So, I'm back to the holding pattern and just doing the best I can. I talk to my little peach a lot and let her know how happy I am that she's about to enter my life. I can't believe we've made it this far and that I get to meet her soon. Un-freaking-real. My guess is January 12th. Sounds like a good day to me!
T minus 8 more days of work....
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Unsolicited Belly Shot
Well, here's my 2-days-shy-of-36-weeks belly shot. I'm feeling pretty large and round these days, as you can see.
Bad habits now include sitting down with my legs wide open (like men do on the subway...SO annoying), and waddling instead of walking. People tell me I look very sad while I'm walking, and I'm sure that's because I feel like there is a bowling ball pressing down on my bladder. I sigh a lot, and need to sit--or at least lean on something--whenever possible.
(It's funny, I am sort of amazed when I look at this picture because I really never thought this would be me!)
I had the hospital tour yesterday. We got to see the labor & delivery rooms and the post-delivery rooms. They are all VERY small. I hope labor goes quickly or I will be claustrophobic. I'm told I can have Ativan as soon as the baby is born, which is a very nice thing. We also got to see some newborns in the little baby warmers in the nursery, and we saw a few being wheeled past us on the way to the nursery. I forgot how small they are. Little miracles, each one.
It was a bit tough being the only single girl on the tour amidst at least 7 couples. There have been a few times when being single on this journey stares me in the face, and this was clearly one of them. Most of the time I'm fine with it (even empowered by it), but it was just really hard to hear the tour guide referring to how important daddy's role is in the birth...how daddies should tell mommies how wonderful they are while going through labor and delivery...how daddies can hold and bond with babies if mom is in, say, post c-section recovery. It just sucked. I'm over it today, but was a bit raw last night and feeling very alone :(
My coworkers threw me a surprise baby shower at work this morning. My child clearly has a LOT more clothes than I do. I am really blessed. But I do think I have to dispose of the "Daddy's Little Girl" bib that someone gave me....
Monday, December 15, 2008
Final Ultrasound
So this morning I went in for what I now believe is my last scheduled ultrasound at the hospital. We had to check the size of the baby and the size of her left kidney. Since they are monitoring both, I of course have been worried about both (who me, worry?).
Turns out baby girl is estimated at 6 lbs 5 oz, which is 65th percentile for a 35-weeker. So "a little bit bigger than normal." I am thrilled!! She is not the humongous baby that they have been predicting! I hope I will be able to deliver her normally!
As for the kidney, it is still measuring on the high end of NORMAL. The nice thing is, even though the baby has doubled in weight since they found the mildly enlarged kidney, the kidney has not grown at all. So it's not getting worse. The doctor said they will probably do an ultrasound after baby is born to look at the kidney, and may or may not give her antibiotics to avoid kidney infection. But "it is so mildly enlarged that they may do nothing." Nice!
I asked if I needed to come back for more monitoring and he said, "we could have you come back in 4 weeks, but you will probably have delivered by then." WOW. It's all becoming pretty real. I bought milk yesterday that had my due date as its expiration date. We're getting close!
I felt like I was walking on air as I left the place. There is something very nice about feeling that everything is probably okay!!
In other news, I went to a breastfeeding class at the hospital over the weekend. I was one of 2 single girls there, among about 6 couples. I thought I'd feel more weird or out of place, but I felt fine. As we were leaving, the other man-less woman said, "Thanks for not bringing your hubby so I wasn't the only one." I said "no problem" but wished I had added more....like "I haven't even met him yet" or something like that. That would probably have gotten me some interesting reactions!
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I just wanted to add a big thank you to my commenters from the last post. You guys are so nice and the support has really helped me through this process!!!
Turns out baby girl is estimated at 6 lbs 5 oz, which is 65th percentile for a 35-weeker. So "a little bit bigger than normal." I am thrilled!! She is not the humongous baby that they have been predicting! I hope I will be able to deliver her normally!
As for the kidney, it is still measuring on the high end of NORMAL. The nice thing is, even though the baby has doubled in weight since they found the mildly enlarged kidney, the kidney has not grown at all. So it's not getting worse. The doctor said they will probably do an ultrasound after baby is born to look at the kidney, and may or may not give her antibiotics to avoid kidney infection. But "it is so mildly enlarged that they may do nothing." Nice!
I asked if I needed to come back for more monitoring and he said, "we could have you come back in 4 weeks, but you will probably have delivered by then." WOW. It's all becoming pretty real. I bought milk yesterday that had my due date as its expiration date. We're getting close!
I felt like I was walking on air as I left the place. There is something very nice about feeling that everything is probably okay!!
In other news, I went to a breastfeeding class at the hospital over the weekend. I was one of 2 single girls there, among about 6 couples. I thought I'd feel more weird or out of place, but I felt fine. As we were leaving, the other man-less woman said, "Thanks for not bringing your hubby so I wasn't the only one." I said "no problem" but wished I had added more....like "I haven't even met him yet" or something like that. That would probably have gotten me some interesting reactions!
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I just wanted to add a big thank you to my commenters from the last post. You guys are so nice and the support has really helped me through this process!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Thoughts about the Donor
It's funny...the thoughts I've been having about the donor lately.
When I started this process, I wanted to find a donor with certain qualities that could potentially be passed down to my child. I wanted my child to know that he seemed like a good person for x, y, and z reasons. That he was someone with whom she could be proud to be genetically linked. That maybe she got such-and-such traits from him.
And he also has been this sort of grid sheet of blood type, medical history, genetic issues, etc. They've been sort of detached and clinical, my thoughts about the donor.
Clearly, he has always been a contributor to this process...a biological contributor. But more recently, I start to think about him as the man. The "biological father" of this child. And interesting to me is that I'm sort of sad for him that he is missing out on being a part of this wonderful little child's life.
I thought of this first on the morning of my baby shower....how this man doesn't even know that people were gathering that day to celebrate the coming of his genetic offspring. And now I think about how he doesn't have a clue that there's this little being growing...and that she probably looks like him and maybe will play an instrument or a sport like him...and how she hiccups and stretches her little legs out inside me.
Anyway, I just feel sorry for this guy out there who was kind enough to allow for me to have this little miracle, but who doesn't get to partake in any of the joy.
(I'm profoundly sad for the baby too, but that's a post for another day. Maybe.)
When I started this process, I wanted to find a donor with certain qualities that could potentially be passed down to my child. I wanted my child to know that he seemed like a good person for x, y, and z reasons. That he was someone with whom she could be proud to be genetically linked. That maybe she got such-and-such traits from him.
And he also has been this sort of grid sheet of blood type, medical history, genetic issues, etc. They've been sort of detached and clinical, my thoughts about the donor.
Clearly, he has always been a contributor to this process...a biological contributor. But more recently, I start to think about him as the man. The "biological father" of this child. And interesting to me is that I'm sort of sad for him that he is missing out on being a part of this wonderful little child's life.
I thought of this first on the morning of my baby shower....how this man doesn't even know that people were gathering that day to celebrate the coming of his genetic offspring. And now I think about how he doesn't have a clue that there's this little being growing...and that she probably looks like him and maybe will play an instrument or a sport like him...and how she hiccups and stretches her little legs out inside me.
Anyway, I just feel sorry for this guy out there who was kind enough to allow for me to have this little miracle, but who doesn't get to partake in any of the joy.
(I'm profoundly sad for the baby too, but that's a post for another day. Maybe.)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Birthing Class!
I had my birthing class this morning! My friend (who is an OB) has a wife who has been an OB nurse for many years....and she offered to come over and give me and my birthing coach (my friend) all the info we need to get through the delivery. We went through labor, pain management, vag.inal delivery, and c-section stuff. We also talked about baby care, especially bathing (I had asked for some extra help there). She also brought me tons of samples (diapers, formula, etc. etc. etc.) which will be very helpful.
It was very informative and helpful to hear all about what to expect. My friend is telling me that we now know what we need to know, and I should try not to think about it too much. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I feel good about it all!
I'm off to take a nap. Enjoy your Sunday everyone.
It was very informative and helpful to hear all about what to expect. My friend is telling me that we now know what we need to know, and I should try not to think about it too much. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I feel good about it all!
I'm off to take a nap. Enjoy your Sunday everyone.
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Little Discouraged (and Disjointed)
Wow...no way...Jess is a little discouraged. And disjointed. (You get the sarcasm, right?)
After being sick for 7 days, I continue to be stuffed up and coughing. Even though I'm still pretty icky, I do feel that spending the weekend resting DID help.
I went back to work today and did fine for the majority of the day, but started to feel really intense pain on my bladder as the work day was ending. I found it really hard to even walk from work to the subway and to make it home.
If it's like this now, how can I continue to work for 5 weeks and 4 more days (but who's counting?)? I'm scared that I won't be able to. Money and time off is an issue.
Speaking of money and time off, the freaking HR lady seems to be ducking me. I still don't know the details of my maternity leave package, and I'm getting MAD!!!
Ugh. Need to sleep.
By the way, the baby gets hiccups now at least 2 to 3 times per day. It is interesting entertainment for me!
After being sick for 7 days, I continue to be stuffed up and coughing. Even though I'm still pretty icky, I do feel that spending the weekend resting DID help.
I went back to work today and did fine for the majority of the day, but started to feel really intense pain on my bladder as the work day was ending. I found it really hard to even walk from work to the subway and to make it home.
If it's like this now, how can I continue to work for 5 weeks and 4 more days (but who's counting?)? I'm scared that I won't be able to. Money and time off is an issue.
Speaking of money and time off, the freaking HR lady seems to be ducking me. I still don't know the details of my maternity leave package, and I'm getting MAD!!!
Ugh. Need to sleep.
By the way, the baby gets hiccups now at least 2 to 3 times per day. It is interesting entertainment for me!
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